Sponge gourd soup, a staple in Chinese home cooking, has unexpectedly gone viral online — not for its taste, but as a metaphor for the way parents often dismiss their children’s feelings, as well as gaslighting in familial relationships more generally. 

The trend began in early August, when a social media influencer who goes by the name Leizi racked up millions of views on a Douyin video, the Chinese version of TikTok, in which he plays both a nagging mother and her indifferent son. Despite her son’s refusals, the mother repeatedly urges him to drink sponge gourd soup, citing its health benefits and affordability.

When the son finally snaps in frustration, the mother complains, “You didn’t have such a bad temper before! Your liver fire must be too high,” using a traditional Chinese medicine term for when the liver is believed to carry excess “heat,” causing physical or emotional symptoms.

“Mom can take you to see a TCM doctor, or you could drink some sponge gourd soup — it can help reduce the heat,” she suggests.

The scene has struck a nerve with young Chinese netizens, who recognize the exchange in their own real-life communication breakdowns, often with older generations. They say it captures the frustration of feeling smothered by constant parental nagging about their lifestyle choices, while their emotions and actual needs go overlooked.

In many Chinese families, children’s wishes are often negated in favor of elders’ authoritative demands. And when children push back, they may be seen as “immature” or “heartless.”

In a comment on the video that received nearly 300,000 likes, a user shared how she once told her mother five times she didn’t want to eat watermelon. Her mother bought the fruit anyway, then posted on WeChat, the Chinese super-app, complaining about how “ungrateful” her child was.

This and the sponge gourd meme illustrate how family heads are often blinded by their own agenda. “As long as (parental behavior) is framed as ‘for your own good,’” Xu Xiaonuan, a Beijing-based psychologist, told Sixth Tone. “They consider it love, expecting the child to comply. The child’s thoughts, desires, emotions, and feelings are treated as insignificant.”

But others have come out to defend the older generations, noting that many elders may have previously spent much of their lives in small communities with little to talk about beyond their children. Their repeated reminders — from “drink sponge gourd soup” to “dress warmly” or “use your phone less” — are not necessarily malicious, but simply a way to keep up conversation.

As one commentator notes, both generations want to connect, but are stuck using different “languages,” leading elders to feel unappreciated, and the young to feel unheard. 

For many, the sponge gourd meme captures this communication gap, and may explain why some young people have begun to seek out the listening and mutual understanding they lack at home via other, more hi-tech channels. 

As Xu says, “Love is built on respect, trust, and acceptance. It means: I love you as you are, not as I imagine you to be.”

Editor: Marianne Gunnarsson.

(Header image: Visuals from Douyin and VCG, reedited by Sixth Tone)