Fresh from a divorce, balancing a demanding finance job, and caring for her 9-year-old daughter, 44-year-old Sun had run out of ways to stretch the hours in her day. 

So last fall, she started over in a shared apartment in Beijing — with two other women just like her. 

None of them are related. They span three generations and approach parenting in their own ways. But in one apartment, the mothers divide the school runs, swap household duties, and carry the weight of everyday life together.

“We’ve become like family, taking care of each other,” Sun tells Sixth Tone.

The biggest gain, she says, is for their children: in households where only children are the norm, her daughter now has siblings. “An only child can feel lonely,” Sun says. “Living together, the kids fight, make up, and learn how to get along. That’s valuable for their future.”

Across China, an increasing number of single mothers are making the same calculation. 

As divorces rise, single mothers are more often left carrying the burden of child care alone. In families where parents separate, only one in six fathers takes custody, leaving 83% of divorced households headed by mothers. 

By 2021, nearly 30 million women in China were raising children on their own. Divorce is the leading driver: a 2019 survey in 10 cities found it accounted for more than two-thirds of single-parent households. And the share has only climbed in the years since.

The strain is acute. Single mothers interviewed by Sixth Tone said long hours clash with rigid school schedules, leaving many sprinting between office desks and classroom gates. Job interviews often come with probing questions about how they will “manage it all.”

In recent years, support groups on social platforms like Xiaohongshu, known globally as RedNote, and Douyin, China’s version of TikTok, have become lifelines, where women trade advice, pool expenses, and in some cases, find one another.

Posts advertising “roommate moms” circulate widely, drawing responses from strangers across cities. Some end up splitting rent, others share school pickups and grocery runs, piecing together a version of family that is less solitary, less precarious, and a little more possible.

Wanted: Co-parent

“Looking for another single mom to share an apartment. Hoping we can split child care duties — if you work day shifts, I can take nights. The goal is to make sure both kids are cared for when one of us is solo parenting.

About me: I have child care experience, a college degree, and basic English teaching skills I can use for early education. Ideal match: Another single mom who values teamwork in raising kids. Message me if interested.”

That was the message Feng, a divorced mother in the southwestern megacity of Chongqing, posted on Xiaohongshu last year — one of many ads now circulating online from women looking for a parenting partner.

“This society is not very friendly to women,” she tells Sixth Tone. After her divorce, her ex-husband refused to provide child support, leaving her to shoulder the costs and responsibilities alone. “Having a support system will make life more hopeful.”

She imagines an arrangement where two mothers split everything evenly: rent, a nanny’s salary, even school runs. “Hanging in there, helping each other until the kids go to kindergarten,” is how she puts it. Her only requirement, she says, is a roommate who is diligent, fair, and willing to pull her weight.

So far, the search hasn’t been easy. “Location is the biggest issue with everyone working in different areas,” she says. “Finding a good match is tough.” 

For Li, a 35-year-old brand promoter in Hefei, capital of the eastern Anhui province, the solution came from within her own circle. In July 2023, she invited her best friend — also newly separated and struggling — to move in. 

At first, Li took on child care while her friend focused on work. “I had more flexibility then,” she says. “It allowed her to avoid taking leave during that transition period.”

The two women agreed from the start to treat both children equally, even adopting a “good cop, bad cop” approach to discipline. Li says the decision was both practical and emotional. “When emergencies happen — sudden overtime or a sick child — having someone there means you have an extra hand. But it also means you’re not carrying the loneliness by yourself.”

She believes the arrangement benefits both mothers and children. Many divorced women, she says, struggle with guilt that leads to overindulgence. Cohabitation, she found, helps curb that tendency while easing both child care costs and daily pressures.

“Single mothers often struggle with many negative emotions,” Li says. “Living with another single mom means having someone to talk to and confide in.”

Practical kinship

That sense of relief, and the chance to compare parenting notes in real time, is what draws many women to co-parenting.

In Beijing, Sun, born in the 1980s, shares an apartment with two other single mothers — one from the 1970s, the other from the 1990s. Their routines don’t always align: the younger mother stays up late, while the older two keep to early bedtimes. Yet those differences have become a kind of support system.

One example is the oldest housemate, who is strict with her 11-year-old, quick to scold when he falls short, sometimes letting arguments escalate into shouting matches. Watching these clashes, Sun finds herself reconsidering her own habits. She steps in at times with gentle suggestions, but says the bigger impact is inward.

In traditional families, she explains, parents rarely see how others interact with kids. “The three of us mothers have completely different ways of handling our children, and each child reacts differently.”

Online, support for the model is growing. The appeal, many note, is practical: splitting rent and bills, alternating child care, and easing the strain of solo parenting. 

Critics, however, argue that children raised in all-female households lack male role models, and insist that only the nuclear family is “complete.”

While such households are still rare across the country, Du Shichao, a family researcher at Fudan University, in Shanghai, calls them a “functional alternative” to the traditional household — pragmatic, cooperative, and free of the patriarchal divisions that often structure domestic life. 

Yu, a 34-year-old corporate administrator, entered into such an arrangement when she invited another single mom and her child to move in. After posting her apartment on a rental platform specifically seeking a tenant with children, she found not just a roommate but what she describes as a “partner.” 

“Having another mother in the house means always having backup when you need help with child care,” she says.

Their cohabitation quickly evolved into a friendship. The two mothers became each other’s support system, sharing frustrations during evening walks, offering encouragement during tough times, and serving as trusted confidants. “The loneliness of single parenting can be overwhelming,” Yu says. “Having a companion helps share the burden.”

Wang Yuqi, a sociology researcher at Huazhong University of Science and Technology, in the central Hubei province, frames the model as a new kind of community. “Sharing meals, raising children, and supporting each other turns biological motherhood into what you might call ‘social motherhood,’” she says. “It’s practical kinship.”

Wang adds that co-living helps ease both “economic poverty” and “time poverty.” Splitting rent and rotating child care allows single mothers to stretch resources and reclaim time — one picks up the kids while the other cooks dinner. 

But she also warns of potential complications: differences in parenting philosophies, household instability if someone moves out, and the risk of children clashing in close quarters.

Hard lessons

Xu Chaoran, a 34-year-old from Xi’an, capital of the northwestern Shaanxi province, lasted only six months sharing an apartment with another single mother while raising her 5-year-old.

“She needed housing, and I thought we could support each other during work emergencies,” she says. 

But reality quickly set in. The three-year age gap between their children proved disruptive. 

“When one’s a toddler and the other’s in kindergarten, their schedules never align,” says Xu. She now warns against teaming up with mothers of infants: “New moms are in survival mode, they can barely manage their own child, let alone help with yours.”

Other tensions ran deeper. Financial imbalances proved particularly problematic, with her less stable roommate at risk of homelessness if the arrangement failed. Divorce, she adds, reshapes people unevenly: “Some toughen up, others fall apart.”

Her experience highlights the financial fragility facing many single mothers. 

A 2018 survey of 830 single mothers found that more than a third reported earning 2,000 yuan ($280) or less a month, while another 29% earned between 2,001 and 4,000 yuan. Just 6% had monthly incomes above 10,000 yuan. In first-tier cities, at least a quarter of single mothers without child support live below the local poverty line, and another 24% qualify as low-income households.

Custody patterns further compound the burden. Under China’s Civil Code, mothers are usually granted custody of children under 2. Du, from Fudan University, underscores that single-mother households are far more common than single-father families, as mothers typically receive custody in most divorce cases. “Fathers also hold more leverage in the labor market,” he says. “They don’t face the same constant conflict between work and family that mothers do.”

For Xu, the failed arrangement drove home just how fragile such partnerships can be. The lesson, she says, reshaped her outlook and led to a blunt conclusion: “Help those in temporary need, not chronic poverty; help the poor, but not the lazy.”

She has since set criteria for potential housemates: career women who are financially independent and can share expenses, skilled at problem-solving and communication, capable of setting good examples for kids, and have similarly aged children who can become playmates. Her vetting process includes joint outings to observe interactions and probing conversations about employment. 

“In co-rental relationships, we must communicate emotions openly and discuss financial matters transparently,” Xu says.

Back in Beijing, though, Sun’s experiment has been less about splitting bills than about raising children — and bettering themselves. Behind the scenes, she and her two housemates are constantly comparing notes — trading tips, pointing out blind spots, even correcting one another in the moment.

“We are like a mirror to each other,” Sun says. “If I have a problem, the other two moms sometimes point it out to me directly.”

Additional reporting: Yang Yuchen; editor: Apurva.

(Header image: Visuals from J.Stone/Imazins and 500px/VCG, reedited by Sixth Tone)